Hello Reader,

As a parent, I apply what I learned over the years in self-development. This week, I used my breath to calm my 3-month-old daughter down. I used conscious breathing to calm myself first, then held her with that grounded presence. She settled almost immediately. And something came to mind. It reminded me of my own journey with breathwork, and why it was crucial, but not complete.

My Journey with Breathwork

I had practiced several breathing techniques over the years in my personal growth/healing journey. I learned to breathe consciously mostly thanks to meditation apps and YouTube videos, but in 2021 I finally decided to learn from someone directly.

I took a Wim Hof breathwork workshop in June 2021. Not from Wim directly, but from a certified coach who studied under Wim. It was a man my age, 32 at the time.

I knew him from the self-development community in Bratislava, the city where I studied and used to live until 2023. Even though the city has half a million inhabitants, it has a thriving self-development/conscious community. I remember seeing him several years earlier, around 2014. And he went from just someone in my position—still just learning—to teaching others.

Seeing him as a coach, I reproached myself. I told myself how stupid I was for losing years, stuck in the same place due to my fear of being seen. I was following a Facebook page sharing events and workshops happening in the city, but I'd see people having some common friends and wouldn't sign up because of that.

I was so rigid, controlling my posture and image. It was during my pickup community time, and I didn't want to be seen as a creep who was hitting on girls. Speaking of which, I posted a long-form tweet this week that goes a bit more in-depth into the topic of how our emotions shape our posture, and how it goes both ways.

If you have trauma, your sense of self is overly focused on how others might perceive you. You unconsciously believe your value comes from being accepted, liked, or seen as "normal." It's not the situation itself—it's the emotional charge around being seen, judged, or rejected.

I didn't learn anything groundbreaking at that Wim Hof workshop, as I was already practicing the method. It's more about mental toughness and resilience than about healing (although it does help with regulating the nervous system). But at the very least, for the first time, I did a cold plunge and lasted 3 minutes in freezing water (it was more ice than water). More importantly, I connected with a few people and felt more at ease opening up to strangers and to people inside the community with mutual friends.

Breathwork as a Spiritual Practice

Later that year, in December 2021, I also attended a workshop called "The Healing Power of Breath," combining Holotropic and Rebirthing techniques.

Before we began, we needed to pair up for the exercise. A Yoga teacher, a bit older than me, approached me, wanting to be with me. Two other women said they also wanted to choose me because I had this grounded energy. This never happened to me before, even when I tried to look grounded. All the inner work I was doing was finally paying off.

In the first round, I was the "breather". I didn't have any profound spiritual experience except that at one point, I started laughing uncontrollably. For more than a decade, I was too serious, and I finally felt huge relief as I allowed myself to be more at ease, more spontaneous, less controlling, even in a group setting.

In the second round, I was a sitter. My partner had a profound experience, one that you could call a bad trip. She had a vision where she relived her birth and saw herself almost strangled by her umbilical cord. I'm not sure whether that was what really happened during her birth, and neither did she, but she cried a lot and appreciated my emotional support.

Once again, I learned it was OK to be seen in strong emotions and how amazing it is to support someone who needs it during their experience. This was probably the first seed of the idea that I could finally turn this (with some more experience) into my vocation.

I became friends with the therapist who organized it and attended an Inner Child Healing workshop (working with different modalities, with breathwork being one of them) the next year.

I was considering getting certified as a Holotropic breathwork facilitator at one point, but in the end, I decided not to. Looking back, I realize why breathwork was important, but not a final destination for me.

It taught me to be present in my body, but it didn't help me understand my emotional patterns or limiting beliefs better. The sessions were powerful, but I wanted tools that were instant and invisible—something I could use anywhere without special breathing or anyone noticing.

Coherence breathing

Besides the Wim Hof technique, I also practiced coherence breathing daily in 2021 (Holotropic and Rebirthing breathwork are too time-intensive for daily practice).

In summer 2021, just a few days after the Wim Hof workshop, I dove into everything I could find about the heart-brain connection. I bought Inner Balance, the device from HeartMath, which monitors your HRV and heart-brain coherence in real time.

I found this to be a great tool, but I believe that had I not learned emotional awareness beforehand, it wouldn't have been that useful. For this technique to be effective, you have to focus on positive feelings, ideally in your heart area—something I wasn't aware of before.

Needless to say, to this day, I use all of these (and many other) breathwork practices occasionally.

Chasing the Magic Pill

At the time, I didn't know what I was really looking for. Deep down, I was still hoping for a magic pill that would end all of my problems and finally make me feel complete. I was searching for something external to fix what felt broken inside.

Through trial and error, I discovered what I was really looking for: the ability to work with emotions as they happened. Not in a special room with music and a facilitator, but in real-life situations: during conflicts, while dealing with everyday stress.

My real transformation didn't happen overnight by finding a magic solution. It happened over time, in small shifts. But knowing what I know now, I could have saved myself time (and money). Instead of looking for the next breakthrough technique, I should have returned to what I already knew and practiced.

If you find yourself constantly searching for the next technique or breakthrough, too, you might be missing the big picture: it's not as much about the technique as about your willingness to face what you've been avoiding.

Stay on the path,

Bohus

P.S. If this hit home, I'd love to hear about your own journey with techniques vs. actual transformation. Hit reply and tell me.