Hello Reader,

As summer ends and autumn begins, I feel nostalgic. I used to resist the coming cold and darkness, even slipping into a kind of seasonal sadness. But I don't fight the flow of time anymore.

Despite feeling sick for the past few days (just one night of fever and exhaustion after catching a virus from my son), and our situation with two babies being so challenging, I'm experiencing more calm and peace than ever. Practicing letting go has not only helped reduce the symptoms but also helped me realize the abundance (not just material, but of time) I have and feel genuine gratitude.

I haven't sent any updates in a month because I wasn't sure how to continue. I feel like this newsletter needs a restart to include more practical insights and current life experiences alongside these past stories.

But it will happen naturally, gradually, like personal transformation itself—rather than the big breakthrough people often want, which is actually the result of small changes over time.

Returning to the Roots

By mid-2022, something shifted. I started reconnecting with men from the local community I'd once learned dating skills with. This time, though, I felt excited like a decade earlier but with curiosity and optimism instead of dissatisfaction.

For the first time, my dating life felt natural and fulfilling. I went on dates regularly, wasn’t needy, and felt grounded knowing I could choose who I truly connected with — not just women I was superficially drawn to.

The Swimming Breakthrough

That summer, I joined a Peaceful Swimming bootcamp in Turkey, my coach’s adaptation of the Total Immersion method.

Our days started at 6 a.m. with breathwork, yoga postures, mobility drills, and body isolations (a mix that reminded me of similarities between salsa, swimming, and martial arts). Then came three hours of training in the crystal-clear sea. Afternoons brought more training after rest and lunch.

At first, diaphragmatic breathing was tough for me, but I kept practicing. Over time, I realized its impact: it activates the parasympathetic nervous system, melts tension in the body, and when practiced regularly, even helps release stuck emotions.

There were two big breakthroughs for me:

1. Swimming a mile for the first time

We were dropped by boat near an island and swam back to the beach. Something clicked out there in the water—I let go completely. The swim felt effortless, peaceful, almost meditative. Just me, the sea, and the horizon. A few other swimmers were somewhere in the distance, but I felt completely alone in a vast sea, surrounded by beauty. That milestone shifted something deeper: if I could do this, I could handle much bigger challenges in life. I still remember that feeling to this day.

A year earlier, I could barely finish one pool length, and every time I entered the water, I’d switch to panic mode (I was not conscious of it, but my trainer showed me the before-and-after video). Now, the water triggers calm, a parasympathetic response, a complete 180-degree turnaround.

2. Letting go of validation​
I connected with a woman during the boot camp. There was chemistry, but I hesitated to move things forward. Partly from childhood group rejection trauma I hadn't resolved back then, but mainly from internal resistance. Later, I realized it wasn't fear, it was clarity. She wasn't right for me, despite her beauty. I didn't need validation anymore. I only wanted a partner whose values matched mine.

Beyond Bootcamps

Later that year, I went on trips to Sunny Beach in Bulgaria, Prague, and Barcelona for more dating workshops. I don't think I needed dating bootcamps anymore, but I wanted to get my dating life finally handled, and in the back of my mind, I wanted to transition to dating coaching myself.

But with my workload, it was difficult to dedicate time to practice, so the main reason was immersion. I practiced reconnecting with my wounded self while communicating with women I was attracted to, building my nervous system's capacity to handle emotional tension. The healing was much faster. This is where many stay stuck—in the healing phase but without expanding their capacity to handle the discomfort of real-world tension.

After more than a decade, I let go of the belief that to be a man I had to "conquer women." Most of that advice came from wounded masculinity, and unfortunately, there are still many dating coaches like that. Validation from women can never replace the feeling of unworthiness.

I knew then I was done with dating bootcamps for good.

The Workshop That Changed Everything

Just two weeks after I returned home from Barcelona, I joined a neo-Tantric workshop in Prague, led by a disciple of John Hawken—one of Europe's best-known tantra teachers who had passed his lineage to this trainer. I knew it was a neo-Tantric workshop with BDSM elements and that shadow work would be involved, but it was nothing like I expected.

That teacher mixed ancient tantra with shamanic practices, shadow work and BDSM. He explained esoteric concepts with grounded, modern language rooted in psychology and neurobiology, so both esoteric people and more rational types would feel comfortable.

The first day started intensely. Shortly after we began, we did a powerful practice about dominance and submission—where one partner pushed boundaries and the other practiced saying "orange" (on the edge) or "red" (stop). This introduced me to a boundary concept I still use (and teach) today. For me, this was a deep confrontation with my fear of rejection, but also a powerful lesson in boundaries.

I had noticed her even before the workshop began, but it was during the dominance/submission exercise—which we did in pairs, switching partners—that she really caught my attention: the bold redhead with a fiery energy that matched her striking looks. Bold and uninhibited, she didn't hold back during the dominance/submission exercise.

During a break, I saw her walking ahead of me and approached her—probably thanks to all that practice talking to strangers over the past few months, fresh out of Barcelona. We didn't have much time to talk before the next exercise began.

We partnered for an ancient Tibetan practice called Chöd ("feeding your demons"). I barely remember the practice itself—my attention was completely absorbed by her presence, caught up in the intensity of the moment. The next thing I knew, we were kissing. Later, many people in the group (who became our friends) thought we had arrived together at the workshop.

Over the next three days, we did many exercises together as a couple. That's how I met my wife. It was the best workshop I've ever attended—and it would have been even without meeting her.

These intensive experiences act as catalysts, accelerating internal shifts that might otherwise take years of gradual practice to achieve. Don't get me wrong, I still think real change happens through the compound effect of small, consistent actions over time, without which these breakthroughs would not be possible.

Love and the Next Layer of Healing

I had to leave Prague after the workshop, but we started dating long-distance—me coming to Prague every other weekend, Veronika coming to Bratislava occasionally. That was in November.

I learned she was attending an Ayahuasca ceremony in December. I wanted to go, but had to finish a project at work. Growing up in a conservative family, I was "against drugs"—didn't smoke until 17, didn't like alcohol (even though I drank occasionally to fit in). But after reading Tim Ferriss' book The Tools of Titans in 2017, I'd been trying to access psychedelics without success.

Veronika connected me to what would become one of the most transformative experiences of my life—not because psychedelics are necessary for healing, but because I'd already done the inner work that this experience could integrate and amplify. Looking back, without having the tools to integrate what arose, it would have been either destabilizing or just an expensive hallucination. But that happened in 2023, and that's for another newsletter.

My story is unique, but the principles aren't. Letting go of validation-seeking, releasing tension and building capacity to handle more tension, and setting real boundaries—these skills are available to anyone willing to do the inner work.

What swimming, tantra, and letting go all have in common is this: they're practices that can expand your capacity to stay present under tension—whether that's physical discomfort, emotional pressure, or the unknown. They teach you to breathe into what you'd normally resist.

New here? This is part 8 of my personal journey. I'm working on organizing the earlier parts of my story in a clearer, more structured way than before, so you can catch up on the full arc.

Until next time,

Bohus "Bo" Bohunicky

P.S. What would change in your life if you could handle twice the emotional tension you currently can?